Thursday, February 2, 2012

Crazy days

Do you ever have one of those days where nothing seems right. You are stressed, snapping a little too much at your loved ones. Feeling depressed, feeling sorry for yourself. Crying uncontrollably the second someone will listen to you. Locking yourself in a room just to have yet another moment of pity....No? Not you? Well that was me yesterday. I am smiling while I write this only because I feel a million times better. I am not quite sure why I was having all of those issues yesterday, but man was it a bad day.

Being a stay at home mom while homeschooling and holding down the fort while making three meals everyday, can well sometimes suck the joy out of life. Yes, yes I just said that. To be honest...very honest. There are some days (not very often, Thank God) where I just feel done! I feel overwhelmed with my life. It is the same thing day after day! No new and exciting things are happening for me. I love change, but having to get up once again to complete the same old routine is just... well... boring!

So as I share honestly with you just how selfish, self centered, and with this all about me attitude, please just bare with me. I sit in repentance today with the Lord. I know that there are going to be some days where I am unhappy. Gratefully they don't come often and when they do I have an amazing husband who just sits and listens and doesn't judge. He is patient with me knowing that it is just my hormones talking and tomorrow I will be singing a new tune. In my repentance I have realized that some women would do anything to have what I have....I get to stay at home and not work. I get to make three meals a day for my family. I get to teach my kids their schooling and morals. I get to do so many things that some women are just unable to do. I truly love being a wife and mother more than anything, and I hope by me sharing these feelings, you know that to be true.Today I more grateful for things that God has so graciously given to me. By me getting to this point, it has rejuvenated the truth that my life holds.

I read this today and it fit like a glove "When everything seems like it is falling apart that's when God is putting things together just the way He wants it." Some things that need to change for me so that I may truly enjoy as much of my time as a mother and a wife are simple things that I believe have contributed to my outbursts of "I am a crazy person today!" I think in doing these things, God will change my heart and help me with this "I deserve attitude."
One, no more balancing my checkbook. I have been in control of that thing I think every year since my husband and I started dating other than about a years worth of time. A control issue that I am letting go of! I stress way too much over money and complain too much of what I don't have. Two I need to take a little more time off of the computer. I love to keep in contact with my friends in the facebook/blogging world, however sometimes again I get these feelings of "why can they do those things and I can't." Again another moment of feeling sorry for myself. Man I have been a brat!! I need to guard myself against the sin that I have allowed to seep into my life! Three is that I have to take time for myself. Now I know this whole thing has been about me being selfish and you are thinking "um why then would you need time for you?" I believe that in order to be a good wife and momma we must make time to be with like minded friends that can lift you up, and hopefully you can reciprocate. Because I am a stay at home mom that homeschools, I don't have a lot of time to visit one on one with my girlfriends and I believe we need that socialization every once in a while. Not all the time just some moments throughout your month. I also need to make it mandatory to go on some dates with my husband. Something that has definitely gone to the way side.

Thanks to my dear friend Sarah who didn't know what she was getting herself into when she stopped by yesterday to pick up something. Verbal throw up just kept pouring out. She gave me some awesome words of encouragement though..." I will pray for you and go eat some brownies!"

Well thanks for coming by to let me vent. I apologize, sometimes I ramble and my hope is that this all made sense. I love that I can be honest and you still love me.

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