Crazy days

Do you ever have one of those days where nothing seems right. You are stressed, snapping a little too much at your loved ones. Feeling depressed, feeling sorry for yourself. Crying uncontrollably the second someone will listen to you. Locking yourself in a room just to have yet another moment of pity....No? Not you? Well that was me yesterday. I am smiling while I write this only because I feel a million times better. I am not quite sure why I was having all of those issues yesterday, but man was it a bad day.

Being a stay at home mom while homeschooling and holding down the fort while making three meals everyday, can well sometimes suck the joy out of life. Yes, yes I just said that. To be honest...very honest. There are some days (not very often, Thank God) where I just feel done! I feel overwhelmed with my life. It is the same thing day after day! No new and exciting things are happening for me. I love change, but having to get up once again to complete the same old routine is just... well... boring!

So as I share honestly with you just how selfish, self centered, and with this all about me attitude, please just bare with me. I sit in repentance today with the Lord. I know that there are going to be some days where I am unhappy. Gratefully they don't come often and when they do I have an amazing husband who just sits and listens and doesn't judge. He is patient with me knowing that it is just my hormones talking and tomorrow I will be singing a new tune. In my repentance I have realized that some women would do anything to have what I have....I get to stay at home and not work. I get to make three meals a day for my family. I get to teach my kids their schooling and morals. I get to do so many things that some women are just unable to do. I truly love being a wife and mother more than anything, and I hope by me sharing these feelings, you know that to be true.Today I more grateful for things that God has so graciously given to me. By me getting to this point, it has rejuvenated the truth that my life holds.

I read this today and it fit like a glove "When everything seems like it is falling apart that's when God is putting things together just the way He wants it." Some things that need to change for me so that I may truly enjoy as much of my time as a mother and a wife are simple things that I believe have contributed to my outbursts of "I am a crazy person today!" I think in doing these things, God will change my heart and help me with this "I deserve attitude."
One, no more balancing my checkbook. I have been in control of that thing I think every year since my husband and I started dating other than about a years worth of time. A control issue that I am letting go of! I stress way too much over money and complain too much of what I don't have. Two I need to take a little more time off of the computer. I love to keep in contact with my friends in the facebook/blogging world, however sometimes again I get these feelings of "why can they do those things and I can't." Again another moment of feeling sorry for myself. Man I have been a brat!! I need to guard myself against the sin that I have allowed to seep into my life! Three is that I have to take time for myself. Now I know this whole thing has been about me being selfish and you are thinking "um why then would you need time for you?" I believe that in order to be a good wife and momma we must make time to be with like minded friends that can lift you up, and hopefully you can reciprocate. Because I am a stay at home mom that homeschools, I don't have a lot of time to visit one on one with my girlfriends and I believe we need that socialization every once in a while. Not all the time just some moments throughout your month. I also need to make it mandatory to go on some dates with my husband. Something that has definitely gone to the way side.

Thanks to my dear friend Sarah who didn't know what she was getting herself into when she stopped by yesterday to pick up something. Verbal throw up just kept pouring out. She gave me some awesome words of encouragement though..." I will pray for you and go eat some brownies!"

Well thanks for coming by to let me vent. I apologize, sometimes I ramble and my hope is that this all made sense. I love that I can be honest and you still love me.

giving grace

Reading something today triggered an aha moment for me. I was caught off guard by a statement that made me truly look at myself and my walk with the Lord. I felt a little judged by the comment and yet lately I have felt the need to share with others about my opinion about their choices and forgetting that they too are on their own journey's with the Lord. Okay so I guess what I am trying to say is that we are all, as believers, on this journey of honoring and loving God. We want to do our best in what life he has given us. Some are called at different times to do different things. You can get this overwhelming feeling that whatever it is that God has called for you is what God has called everyone to do but yet, "why are you the only one doing it." I have placed judgement on others because of this exact feeling. Growing up I grew away from God because of people like me. Judgemental, self righteous, and having this "better than" attitude! What has happened that has made me feel like I can place judgement on others?! I have turned into what I once hated! Seeing this quote made me feel bad about myself, yet I know that God has called me to be right here where I am. He has showed me to be patient for what He is doing. All the while continue to grow closer to him by doing the things that are placed right in front of me, and I am okay with that. But how is it that I can't accept others and their walk with God. I am quick to judge. Now most of the time I keep this judgement between me and the Lord and yes sometimes Noah, and oh yes sometimes a close girlfriend ( either way considered gossip...repent!)....but yesterday I went straight to the person that I felt was choosing a life away from God. I sank my teeth into them and truly hurt them because I thought that I had a right! Wow. What a double standard. I get upset for others placing judgement on me yet here I am doing the same thing.
I have learned that God loves you. He wants you to grow and change into what He wants you to. I however need to only look at one person's decisions...MINE! I feel terrible and yet grateful at the same time of what God has revealed to me. Remembering to always look at myself and my choices in life. Will those choices burn to the ground when judgement day comes or will they withstand God's approval of what He says is good. We are all on our own journeys with the Lord. As believers our walks look differently from one another. God places desires or convictions on your heart in order for you to see what He wants from you. It is hard living in this world that is full of sin. It is crazy how you can feel so right about something then get slammed down to this layer of scum that is on the ground and that you are now apart of. Yep eating humble pie!
We are sinful creations that have been given grace because of Jesus' death on the cross. What an amazing gift! I will seek to love others right where they are!!

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Colossians 3:12-14

New years goals

For many years I quietly make News Years resolutions to myself and maybe my other half but for the most part, I'm not a huge fan! Mainly because I hate saying things and then two three months later I can't even remember what I even said! Yep that's me. It happens much more now that I am aging!!
Anyhow. This year I thought I would not only share with you what resolutions I have but also call them goals! I like that word much better!
I have been Thinking about what to write for a few days obviously because it is six days after the actual new year. I wanted to make sure that my goals were not just thrown out there from a quick thought.
I always want to change almost everything but again I want to really strive to accomplish the goals and put my heart into each one.


• First is my relationship with the Lord. Now this is always on the list simply because I always want to walk closer to my lord. I want to hear Him, feel Him and see Him working in my life.
• second is my fam bam!! I want my husband to know that hands down next to God, he is my priority. I want him to feel important with the things I do for him. His love language is time and mine is gifts so we kind of clash! I will however make a huge effort towards growing our relationship even closer.
Along with my hubby is my relationship with my children. I saw this great sign

Doesn't that say so much?! My main focus in this life is to raise Godly children. Not just children who say "Yes I believe in God." But children who grow up and follow God with every ounce of their being. All decisions are made with one prayer...what is your will Lord. I desire for them to not strive to make an amazing amount of money, I don't desire them to follow a dream that only they have, I don't desire them to just fit in with the rest of the world. I desire them to become lights that are so bright that everyone knows, it is God shining!
• focus on the kids schooling. Be apart of as much of their learning as I can. It is sometimes difficult with having three in different grades, but I am going to give it my all.
• to get healthy. Now I know I know everyone says it! And yes I have at least 10+ years now since I have been setting this goal! This is my biggest hurdle. Not sure why but I have had some situations happen that I believe will help me make it over this hurdle once and for all.
I can't believe I am sharing this but here it goes. Christmas day I was playing dance party 3 with my six year old son and I was winning. Oh yeah! I was feeling good about myself, let me tell you!! Then my feelings came down like a crashing plane! My son turns around and looks at me to say "how are you winning, you are fat." oh man that one went right to my heart strings. I know I have gained a lot of weight since having children and to be honest I never thought my kids looked at me like I was fat. Can you say "DENIAL!". Right there I made a decision that I wasn't waiting till the new year to start " dieting" I was starting then. A new healthy lifestyle. I didn't have my one last goodie to end my days of eating terribly, I just started! I have also noticed my kids eating poorly. Two are super picky and only like sweet stuff while my other always asks for seconds. Both ways I have been a terrible role model for them and God truly opened my eyes to what he wanted changed!
I am happy to say that I have this overwhelming feeling of eating healthy. Nothing like I have ever had before. I will continue to lift this struggle up to the Lord like anything else I struggle with. Of you who are wondering what happened to Scooby after his comment, well I cried, pulled myself together then patiently explained that words like that hurt people's feelings. He knew how bad it hurt me and he cried with me. I'm all good now and I have some amazing inspiration when I want to cookies... I just remember those words and realize what kind of role model do I want to be for my kids.
• last my husband and I have been doing some DIY projects. This year our my goal is to redo our kitchen and get our backyard finished. I just ask him to make them his goals too!


I hope you have made some goals for yourselves and maybe your family. It's always good to grow and stretch and if you aren't setting a bar for yourself, then there is nothing to stretch to. Happy New Years!!

Keeping the main thing the main thing

This past week I have been doing projects around our home like crazy. I have been thinking about starting a new blog dedicated to all things diy. Now before you get excited like me share a few things. I began this blog for a few reasons.

~ To document our lives because I have not scrap booked for about three years and my children's memories are getting lost in the mounds of pictures that I have taken.
~ To connect with a world like me. A stay at home mom who homeschools and loves to be inspired
~ Most importantly to be honest and transparent by sharing what God is doing in our lives!

I want to elaborate on that last one today. I have found myself drooling over some amazing blogs out there that have one set thing to share...decorating, homeschooling, all about God and so on. I formed this blog to be about all three and more. I find that there is this illusion of perfectness with these blogs that I am reading (and love.) Then I read this amazing blog that shared with me about being true and honest and not being a stumbling block to others. In other words, not making others feel inadequate about themselves. God showed me right then and there that I need to stay focused on the main thing and that is Him. Oh and my husband gave me his two cents..."No you shouldn't." That really didn't convict me, just made me see him as a dream popper as I like to call him...Love ya babe!

Yes I have a passion for making this house our home and want to share it with others, but why can't I do that on here? Well I can and I will! For now anyways.

I have some changes coming up in our homeschool curriculum and I need to focus on that. I am excited to share with you what I will be doing so stay tuned! My kitchen redo will just have to wait.

Bottom line is that I never want anyone to look at me or our family as perfect in any way, just striving to stay connected to God in everything we do in this crazy messed up world we live in. It was good to be reminded of that.