Last week I was spending some time with the Lord in my bible study, Experiencing God. If you have yet to do this study by Henry Blackaby then you must head on over to amazon as soon as you are finished reading and order it! It is that life changing. Anyways while finishing my daily study I was asking God to help me with some "issues" that have had a stronghold on me and now that I have recognized them, I would like them to go away! God placed something on my heart so clear," Tara how can I help you get through this, if you can't even hear what I am saying." So I was whisk away to pre-computer days...well I am only 29 and I don't quite remember those days, but I agreed. I immediately knew that facebook, pinterest, and blogging was what He wanted gone for a time so that He could share with me the things I needed.
Today was my first day back and I couldn't wait to share what the Lord has done. He is clearly showing me that my life is not just here for me to sit back and enjoy. I was made in His image to do the His will. My life has been drastically changing for the last couple of years, however this last year I have been anxious for more changes. I am throwing myself all in for God! I am honestly not sure what all of that means, but I do know that He wants more from me.
"Whoever has my commands and obeys them he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." John 14:21
I have learned that I can not just ask God to tell me His will for my life and then sit back and wonder what it is. God is always at work around us and it is up to us to seek out what He is already doing and make ourselves available for Him to use. We must pray and wait for Him to show us our next step. It seems so simple to me now that I have been shown this through my bible study. I am the girl that stresses over every simple thing....yes I am a little uptight! I love to control and learning how God works has shown me that I have never really been in control and I just continue stressing myself and others out thinking I am in control. God knows what is best for us and He wants to be glorified through everything.
Another thing I have been struggling with is PURE JOY. This is something that I have been desiring for awhile now and I wrestle with the fact that I have not really felt it. We can see a woman from the outside and believe that she has it all together. She has the perfect this and the perfect that and then we turn on ourselves because we are not good enough. Well I think we just perceive it as they have a joyful "put together" life. I am not sure if God has truly answered me on this yet or not but I have gotten somethings this week to help me become the ME that God created me to be. I know that each day I wake up and have the choice to be joyful or not. Sometimes it doesn't seem that easy, but I am willing to put forth the effort to choose a grateful attitude.
A wonderful book that I am also reading now is Me the Me I Want to Be. It was given to my husband as a gift and when he started reading it he said "I think this is meant for you." In it John Ortberg says " God designed us to delight in our actual lives. When I am growing toward the me that I want to be, I am being freed from the me I pretend to be. I no longer try to convince people I am important while secretly fearing I am not." That spoke heavy on my heart because of abandonment issues that I stumble over constantly. That helped me to realize that I am so important to God and that I don't need to fear about others not liking me for me.
I have a road ahead of me that I am excited to travel knowing that I am growing a continuous love relationship with God. It was nice being off of cyber world this week to make things more clear. Those things look much more different now. Things can become an addiction and in a way a god to us if we are not careful. I challenge you to take a break, and I say break because I said fasting and my husband reminded me that we are not suppose to share with others when we are fasting, and take some time to see what God wants to share with you without some of life's distractions.